Step 1 – Unmanageable—Question

Unmanageable:  difficult or impossible to control, use or manipulate

Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction(s) and compulsive behavior, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Welcome back folks.  One of our followers sent us a question concerning our last post so we are going to spend some time on it here.  We do thank this follower for submitting their question and invite you to send us your questions and comments.

Q: “So, are you saying that I have to lose everything in order to recover?”

While this is an excellent and valid question, it isn’t easily answered.  A proper answer will be lengthy and in two parts.

First, we don’t actually lose anything to our addiction or in our addictive state…we give it up and/or away.  We constantly hear people, especially the newcomer, say “I lost my license” or “I lost my house” or “I lost my spouse/significant other” or “I lost my job”, etc.  But in reality, we haven’t lost anything.  We generally know where these things are.

If we were busted for driving while under the influence and our license was taken away, we didn’t lose them.  We know where they are…with the police or courts-right.  If we were evicted from our dwelling, it isn’t lost is it?  If we were fired or asked to resign from our employment, our position isn’t lost, we just no longer fill it.  If our spouse/significant other leaves/divorces us, we still know where they are, we just aren’t with them.  If our vehicle was impounded or repossessed, it isn’t actually lost, it’s in the impound lot or with the finance company/bank.  We just don’t have it anymore.  If our health has diminished due to our using, we know where it went-right?

So, truthfully, we don’t lose people, places, things, etc. to our addiction.  In essence, the things that we claim to have lost to our addiction aren’t lost at all.  We, in our addictive state, have just given them up and/or away.

Now that we have clarified that, we will re-examine the question and finish with our answer next time.

Until then ……. be sure to tell a friend about us.

Thanks for visiting us – come back soon.

Remember:  “It is what it is and “it ain’t nothing but a thing!”     

Step 1- Unmanageable

Unmanageable:  difficult or impossible to control, use, or manipulate

Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction(s) and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Welcome back folks.  Last time we began with the unmanageable part of this step.  However, it seems that there is a group of us out there that has as much trouble swallowing the “that our lives had become unmanageable” part as there is a group of us that took issue with the “we were powerless” part. 

So, we are cutting to the chase and/or quick with this post.  Surprisingly, there are a lot of us out there that have an issue with admitting that our lives had become unmanageable.  Because they still have a family, a home, a vehicle, a job, etc., they fail to recognize the “real” unmanageable areas that this Step is talking about.

They view themselves as “better” or “luckier” than the rest of us.  “We” show up to meetings walking or on bicycles.  “We” live in shelters or half-way houses. “Our” families have disowned us. “We” are either unemployed or under employed.  “We” have been in jail.  “Our” lives may be unmanageable….but not theirs.

I have known many such individuals.  While a small, small number of them were truly blessed because their bottom seemed like the sky compared to ours, the majority of the folks in this group are in Denial.  Because they did not endure the hardships that most of us have, they did not grasp the “unmanageable” part and basically skipped it.

Unfortunately, most of the people in this category will end up going back out – some will return to the rooms and tables in time - some will not.  Why is that you may be asking- because of their denial, they could not or would not completely give themselves over to this simple program of Recovery.   i.e. Because they hadn’t given everything away due to their addiction, they did not think that their lives had become unmanageable.  So they cheated on that part of Step 1 and when they started to build on that loose and shaky foundation, everything collapsed on them.

Yes, they would utter the words but they did not believe nor did they have the conviction that the “unmanageable” part applied to them.  Therefore, their program foundation was unstable and could not support the other Steps when they tried to build them. 

Remember: Step 1 is the only Step that must be perfect.  There is no room for error on Step 1.  It’s the foundation upon which the other 11 Steps are supported.  If the foundation is faulty…..you won’t get very far in your Recovery Program.

That’s where we will pick it up next time.

Until then ……. be sure to tell a friend about us.

Thanks for visiting us – come back soon.

Remember:  “It is what it is and “it ain’t nothing but a thing!”    

Have A Blessed Easter

Matthew 27:66

Good Friday

Step 1 - Powerless - Conclusion

Powerless:  “devoid of strength or resources; lacking the authority or capacity to act”.

Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over our addition(s) and compulsive behaviors that our lives had become unmanageable.

Welcome back folks.  Today we will conclude our discussion on the “powerless” part of Step 1, even though we are never finished with this realization. 

Last time we talked about the power that our mind has.  It’s ability to convince us that the Lie is the Truth, even when we know better.  It’s that obsession of the mind that keeps us in our addictive state. 

The mind – a terrible thing to waste - true.  But it is also a huge enemy of our Recovery.

Our minds can make us believe that it’s everyone else’s fault.  I drank/used because she did this or he did that.  I had a bad day at work and I deserve to go out and have a good time.  Man, this weather is so depressing, I need a drink.  I’ll show them, if they want to accuse me of it, then I’ll just go and do it.  Yada yada.  Do you get what we’re saying here? 

At the same time, our mind can convince us that “we didn’t do that”.  You know like the morning after when everyone tells you how you behaved the night before.  Or when you go out to get into your vehicle and there’s a dent in the fender.  Or when you pull up Facebook and see the pictures and declare that that isn’t you.  Or the countless other things that we tell ourselves and others that we didn’t do even though we did.

Additionally, our minds can make us believe that we are okay.  We don’t have a problem.  We can handle it.  We won’t do that again.  Etc. Etc. 

It’s this part of being powerless that leads to the unmanageability of our lives.  Denying that we don’t have a problem when it is so apparent to others that we do.  Telling ourselves that we can handle it only to get smashed the very next time we drink/use.  Declaring that we won’t act that way again only to behave even worse the next time we pick up/use.    

Think about it.  Have you ever came to and didn’t know where you were?  Have you ever came to and couldn’t remember how you got home?  Have you ever been arrested due to your using/drinking?  Have you ever Hurt someone that you cared about or loved because of your using or drinking?  Have you ever lied about your drinking or using?  Have you ever gone to work high or buzzed?  Have you ever had the shakes?  Have you ever found yourself irritable and thought that if I just had a drink I’d be better?  Have you ever stolen anything to support your using? 

These are things that most of us would not normally do…..yet we do them.  And sadly, we can’t help it.  Because we are powerless over our addiction/compulsive behavior….our life has become unmanageable. 

Ponder these things and reflect on examples from your own unmanageable life.  Be honest with yourself.   It’s said that it has to hurt to heal.  That’s where we will pick it up next time.

Until then ……. be sure to tell a friend about us.

Thanks for visiting us – come back soon.

Remember:  “It is what it is and “it ain’t nothing but a thing!”    

 

 

 

 

 

Step 1 - Powerless- Part 3

Welcome back folks.  Last time we left off asking some questions about examples of your powerlessness.

So what did you discover?   Did you see where you might be just a little bit powerless over your addiction and behavior?  If you were honest with this, you should have seen times when you were.  That’s what this is saying here.  It’s not a knock you down some more, make fun of you, disgrace you thing.  It’s a “hey man, me too”.  It’s the admission of our powerlessness that opens the door to our Recovery. 

Our minds are powerful entities.  It has been said that the mind has the ability to heal and to kill.  Harnessing the power of their mind, people have been able to accomplish what was otherwise physically impossible.  Our mind can be both an asset and a liability. 

It’s that liability that we are going to discuss right now.  Our stinking thinking if you will.  In our addictive state we believe the lies that our mind tells us is the Truth.  We can talk ourselves into doing things that we normally wouldn’t be caught dead doing.  Yet we do them and believe that it’s okay!  You know what I’m saying.  We lie, steal, cheat, drink and drug. We become convinced that we are “the man or woman”, that we are better than others and that we don’t have a problem.  We tell ourselves that it’s okay to cheat on our spouse, its okay to be late, it’s okay to say this or that.  It’s alright to hit him or her, it’s alright to do this or that and an infinite number of other lies. 

Herein lays the problem.  Our mind can convince us that, we are okay, we can handle it and we’re not that bad.  In essence, “I don’t have a problem”!  Sound familiar?  I know right!  I used to think the same way.  It’s true.  For years I lived in that illusory state that had me convinced that I was okay, I’d do better next time, I can handle it, I don’t need help etc.  But, you know what?  I wasn’t Okay, I never did better.  I most certainly couldn’t handle it.  Truth is, I was “Living in the Lie”. (posted earlier read it)

That’s where we’ll pick it up next time.  Additionally, we’ll begin to take a look at the unmanageability of our lives.  Understanding the “unmanageable” parts helps us to see the powerlessness sometimes.

Until then ……. be sure to tell a friend about us.

Thanks for visiting us – come back soon.

Remember:  “It is what it is and “it ain’t nothing but a thing!”