Step 1 - Unmanageable - Ignorance

Unmanageable:  difficult or impossible to control, use, or manipulate

Step 1:  We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction(s) and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

In our last several posts we have concentrated on two main groups of individuals in Recovery.

The group of us that had given up and/or away everything when we entered Recovery and the group that entered Recovery mostly intact.

These two groups are at extreme opposite ends of the fellowship.  However, there are many of our fellows that are in between these two.  We now invite all our fellow colleagues to join us as we continue to talk about “unmanageable”.

Today, we are going to begin our look at a very dangerous pitfall – Ignorance.

Before you close this window let us explain what we mean here.  Since no one knows everything about everything, we are all ignorant about something-Right.  So there is no shame in being un-informed.  The shame comes when we choose to stay unaware of our condition.  In other words, to have the opportunity to gain knowledge about our addiction(s)/compulsive behavior and refuse to learn, that is true shame.

Our attempt here is to get past the obvious products of unmanageable and to dig deeper into the heart of it.  For example:

**The obvious-we couldn’t manage to keep a job, home, dignity, health, self-respect, family, license, etc.

**The heart-nearly every aspect of our life had become impossible to control due to our powerlessness over our addiction/compulsive behavior.        

This deeper area of unmanageable is the disastrous pit that so many of us stumble and fall into because we are without knowledge concerning the unmanageability of our lives as a result of our powerlessness over our addiction(s)/compulsive behavior.

That’s where we will pick it up next time.

Until then ……. be sure to tell a friend about us.

Thanks for visiting us – come back soon.

Remember:  “It is what it is and “it ain’t nothing but a thing!”     

  

Step 1–Unmanageable-?-Answered

Unmanageable:  difficult or impossible to control, use or manipulate

 Step 1 : We admitted that we were powerless over our addition(s) and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Welcome back folks.   Last time we introduced a question that one of our followers had sent in concerning the April 5, 2013 post.  So, for clarification purposes we spent that post explaining a huge misconception in the Recovery Arena.  Many of us believe that we lose things like our license, job, home, etc. because of our addiction(s).  However, the Truth is, we don’t lose anything due to our addiction/compulsive behaviors, we give them up and/or away.

Now, having dispelled that misconception, let’s take another look at that question and finish answering it.

Q. So, are you saying that I have to lose everything in order to recover?

A. Since everyone’s bottom is different –NO – not everyone will have to give away their home, job, dignity, family, self-respect, health, etc. in order to recover from their addiction/compulsive behaviors.

Remember, we are talking about “our lives had become unmanageable”.  For those of us in the group that have given everything away, we may believe that we understand “unmanageable” better that those that haven’t.  If you are blessed enough to be in the group that entered Recovery “intact”, you might feel that unmanageable doesn’t apply to you.

Both groups are wrong!  While giving away our home, job, family, etc. is a result of unmanageable it is not the problem.  The problem isn’t our drinking/using either.  The problem here is and what we all need to realize in order to successfully Recover lays in the definition of unmanageable - “Impossible to control, use or manipulate”.

This brings us to another even more dangerous misconception about “unmanageable”.

That is where we will pick it up next time.

Until then ……. be sure to tell a friend about us.

Thanks for visiting us – come back soon.

Remember:  “It is what it is and “it ain’t nothing but a thing!”     

  

Step 1 – Unmanageable—Question

Unmanageable:  difficult or impossible to control, use or manipulate

Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction(s) and compulsive behavior, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Welcome back folks.  One of our followers sent us a question concerning our last post so we are going to spend some time on it here.  We do thank this follower for submitting their question and invite you to send us your questions and comments.

Q: “So, are you saying that I have to lose everything in order to recover?”

While this is an excellent and valid question, it isn’t easily answered.  A proper answer will be lengthy and in two parts.

First, we don’t actually lose anything to our addiction or in our addictive state…we give it up and/or away.  We constantly hear people, especially the newcomer, say “I lost my license” or “I lost my house” or “I lost my spouse/significant other” or “I lost my job”, etc.  But in reality, we haven’t lost anything.  We generally know where these things are.

If we were busted for driving while under the influence and our license was taken away, we didn’t lose them.  We know where they are…with the police or courts-right.  If we were evicted from our dwelling, it isn’t lost is it?  If we were fired or asked to resign from our employment, our position isn’t lost, we just no longer fill it.  If our spouse/significant other leaves/divorces us, we still know where they are, we just aren’t with them.  If our vehicle was impounded or repossessed, it isn’t actually lost, it’s in the impound lot or with the finance company/bank.  We just don’t have it anymore.  If our health has diminished due to our using, we know where it went-right?

So, truthfully, we don’t lose people, places, things, etc. to our addiction.  In essence, the things that we claim to have lost to our addiction aren’t lost at all.  We, in our addictive state, have just given them up and/or away.

Now that we have clarified that, we will re-examine the question and finish with our answer next time.

Until then ……. be sure to tell a friend about us.

Thanks for visiting us – come back soon.

Remember:  “It is what it is and “it ain’t nothing but a thing!”     

Step 1- Unmanageable

Unmanageable:  difficult or impossible to control, use, or manipulate

Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction(s) and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Welcome back folks.  Last time we began with the unmanageable part of this step.  However, it seems that there is a group of us out there that has as much trouble swallowing the “that our lives had become unmanageable” part as there is a group of us that took issue with the “we were powerless” part. 

So, we are cutting to the chase and/or quick with this post.  Surprisingly, there are a lot of us out there that have an issue with admitting that our lives had become unmanageable.  Because they still have a family, a home, a vehicle, a job, etc., they fail to recognize the “real” unmanageable areas that this Step is talking about.

They view themselves as “better” or “luckier” than the rest of us.  “We” show up to meetings walking or on bicycles.  “We” live in shelters or half-way houses. “Our” families have disowned us. “We” are either unemployed or under employed.  “We” have been in jail.  “Our” lives may be unmanageable….but not theirs.

I have known many such individuals.  While a small, small number of them were truly blessed because their bottom seemed like the sky compared to ours, the majority of the folks in this group are in Denial.  Because they did not endure the hardships that most of us have, they did not grasp the “unmanageable” part and basically skipped it.

Unfortunately, most of the people in this category will end up going back out – some will return to the rooms and tables in time - some will not.  Why is that you may be asking- because of their denial, they could not or would not completely give themselves over to this simple program of Recovery.   i.e. Because they hadn’t given everything away due to their addiction, they did not think that their lives had become unmanageable.  So they cheated on that part of Step 1 and when they started to build on that loose and shaky foundation, everything collapsed on them.

Yes, they would utter the words but they did not believe nor did they have the conviction that the “unmanageable” part applied to them.  Therefore, their program foundation was unstable and could not support the other Steps when they tried to build them. 

Remember: Step 1 is the only Step that must be perfect.  There is no room for error on Step 1.  It’s the foundation upon which the other 11 Steps are supported.  If the foundation is faulty…..you won’t get very far in your Recovery Program.

That’s where we will pick it up next time.

Until then ……. be sure to tell a friend about us.

Thanks for visiting us – come back soon.

Remember:  “It is what it is and “it ain’t nothing but a thing!”